i am

"Who could be so lucky? Who comes to a lake for water and sees the reflection of the moon." Rumi

Disappointed at Mr. P


Mr. P is a man in his 60s I grew fond of. Back in the summer of 2008, I pinched my sciatic nerve. I was unaware of that fact for two or three months. I work sitting down in front of a computer for eight hours, which makes my situation worse. One morning, the pain became so excruciating. I bawled like a baby and had to ask my bosses for help. They immediately called Mr. P.

Mr. P is their friend and client. He rushed over, and as a sciatica sufferer himself, Mr. P taught me some stretches that ease sciatic pain.  He told me his story. He said with daily stretches and caution, he’s been able to diminish these sciatic ‘episodes’. He walks every where, is always in a good mood and likes to talk a lot. That was the beginning of a wonderful friendship.

After that incident, every time Mr. P came to visit us at the office, he’d sit on the couch and chat with me. There were times we’d hold conversations about spirituality, nutrition and life in general. For most of 2011 I hadn’t heard from him. This year, I finally saw him again during tax season. Oh how I missed him and his energy! He always bares a smile.

At the office, my bosses always debate about politics and the economy – that or having endless conversations about golf. Recently, the three were having some debate about the presidential candidates. Mr. P’s name came up. They said Mr. P was going to vote for anyone as long as it wasn’t Obama, even if the alternate candidate had nothing better to offer and may in fact be a worse option. I was a bit surprised to hear that Mr. P would rationalize in that way, but shrugged it off.

This morning, one of my bosses and I were reading the news together about a man who shot  an ex co-worker in front of the Empire State Building early this morning. According to the reports, the man who was later shot dead by Police was a disgruntled employee. My boss then said, “Ha, I bet Mr. P would say it’s Obama’s fault because of our economy.” And I asked him why he would say something like that. And he replied, “ Didn’t you know? Mr. P is the biggest racist and has no shame about it. He’s a tough one! And he hates Obama. He even calls Michelle Obama ‘______’” (some derogatory name having to do with chimps.)

Say what??

I felt a sharp pain in my chest. This weird feeling just came over me. Mr. P? My Mr. P? A racist? I’m completely disappointed and hurt. I don’t know how else to feel. I’m not angry, and I don’t resent him. But really, Mr. P?

See, I never saw him display that side of him. This comes as a shock to me. Would my boss be exaggerating? How do I know if what he’s saying is true? But why would my boss lie about something like that? I hold all three of my bosses with high regard. These five years that I’ve worked for them, they’ve become like uncles to me.

So what now? Is it understandable if my feelings toward Mr. P change? I mean, he’s been the kindest, most loving person to me and I truly hold him dear to my heart. I don’t love him any less, let me make that clear. Love doesn’t wither. But as far as respect or admiration goes, I don’t know… I can’t respect a person who has hate in his heart, one who judges based on color and culture. I know what’s right in my heart, I stand for truth; but I can’t help but feel confused.



Author: amoonfull

A lover of arts, tea & nature.

10 thoughts on “Disappointed at Mr. P

  1. You can’t control how others think & if he makes you feel good because you found some common ground with him then that’s alright but the whole “I’ll vote for anyone but Obama” just reeks of being an idiot, he probably watches a lot of Fox News and thinks that somehow the crappy economy is all President Obama’s fault when it’s a problem that’s been growing since before he was even in the Senate.

    • I’m not venting to judge him or his political stance since we’re all entitled to our opinions. And maybe he does watch Fox News, but that’s not really the case. I’m hurt to learn that he has hate in his heart. And to hold the same respect for someone who loathes a people for the color of their skin is inconceivable to me.

      • Did Mr. P grow up in the 60s? Not to make excuses for him, but I’ve noticed people around that age have this weird thing where they have a hard time letting go of bad habits like making racist jokes or using racial slurs, but they actually have no real problem with black (or other ethnic) people. Sometimes when I’ve called someone out, I get the response “I’m not racist, I have black friends!” I like to ask, “How do you think they would feel if they heard what you just said?” That usually shuts them up.

        So, maybe he doesn’t really have hate in his heart, just a very bad habit. I wouldn’t bring it up with him now, but if he ever makes a comment in front of you, by all means, let him know how it makes you feel!

  2. Well, I agree to an extent. Many people of Mr. P’s age and of his nationality are unfortunately stereo-typically “kind of racist”. But i viewed him to be different. Everything about his personality goes against what I just learned. According to the things I heard, those are not signs of someone making bad jokes. But, it is what it is. And I thank you for giving me the other end of what this could possibly be.

  3. My brother and I are at opposite ends of the political spectrum. He has some really cranky ideas about people. However, I know him to be a thoroughly decent, honest and loving man.

    I think it is possible for people to hold both love and hate in their hearts. One way this can happen is that someone identifies strongly with their own group out of ignorance about others. They get very defensive and even antagonistic. Yet they are loving toward their own. This is malice born of fear, and the love that is held is limited by that fear.

    Maybe your disappointment will be replaced by compassion for your friend. Maybe he has something to teach with his bigotry that will deepen your own lovingkindness.

    • David, thank you for this take on the issue. I’ve taken it personally, which is why I’ve expressed such disappointment, I guess. But this isn’t and shouldn’t be about how hurt I felt. You may have a valid point in that there is something to be learned about this whole situation and his “bigotry”. Compassion and love I have not lost, but perhaps I need to search deeper within myself and reflect on my own character.

      • Searching deeper is always a good thing, and whatever prompts the search is probably to be welcomed. It hurts because you care, and that fact reveals your own love and compassion. I would not have left the comment I did on just any blog. But I could see that you are already there, and so I offered support for what you already knew. Peace.

      • Wow, I appreciate that. Thank you for your profound insight and for somehow seeing through me 🙂

  4. Hi Moon

    It’s weird. I just finished emailing this to a friend, and then started reading your piece re Mr P. I think it’s applicable and maybe this perception will free you from your emotions.

    “How Mr P hates or loves etc says more about his pain, his hate or love for himself.

    This choice of perception releases you. It takes you out of your mind and self-absorbed hurt, and allows you to perceive anew, with compassion and detachment. Compassion because it depicts the pain and self-loathing Mr P is holding, and detachment because really, it’s not about you at all.

    Actually, that applies to all of life. Don’t take anything too personally (ie letting the feelings ‘stick’), because it’s not about Obama, Michele, you or anyone else.

    It’s just information about how that person feels about himself.”


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