Tis such a busy season. I’m taking some time off between work to write because I have many thoughts in my head and wish to share with you. I’ve been learning some new lessons; well, still in the process, but I’ve become aware of some weaknesses that have been put to the test lately.
“Patience does not mean to passively endure. It means to be farsighted enough to trust the end result of a process.” -Rumi
- Patience: I am currently working on becoming creative in the ways I will make money. My job is not my career, much less my passion. Accounting, it’s good to know, but it isn’t something I actually enjoy doing. I’m glad I have this knowledge though because it will benefit me for my future plans. I truly want to become more flexible with my time; I want to become more available to do the things I enjoy doing, and do so while increasing cash flow. I have a plan and it’s somewhat in the works. But it’s taking longer than expected and a bit more complicated than I originally thought. However, it’s teaching me patience. It’s teaching me that anything worth doing takes time in the making. Vegetable blossoms don’t grow overnight. So I realize this gives me time to organize my thoughts and even write an outline of my plans. (I’m not very disciplined but am learning how to be).
“This discipline and rough treatment are a furnace to extract the silver from the dross. This testing purifies the gold by boiling the scum away.” – Rumi
- Discipline: I’m realizing that especially in a fast-paced society, discipline and structure are actually very necessary. Many people repel those words because they automatically associate them with restrictions, like I once did until now. Does a tree not have structure in its growth and sustainability? Is there no structure in pollination? Is there no structure with our internal organs? Is discipline not a way of organizing oneself to simply follow through with goals or even chores? Well, I tend to have many unfinished goals and my chores pile up ever so often. I’m also realizing that having a full-time job and being an artist is quite a lot to juggle. There are many activities that I feel are necessary for my growth, and juggling work and late night events takes a toll on me. For example, how do I fit in my reading, poem memorization, meditation, exercise and food-planning with work and performances? I feel pressured to maintain and increase my efficacy at work whilst maintaining and increasing my artistic presence in the local scene as well. I’m working on finding a balance between all things, and it just might mean sacrifice.
“O, happy the soul that saw its own faults.” – Rumi
- Ego: Man, I never thought any situation would ever affect me in a way that would ‘hurt’ my ego. And well, I have a confession: I actually feel a bit threatened by someone who was brought into work over the weekend. As most of you all know, I am the only employee among three CPA partners, e.g. my bosses. A young lady was brought in to help me out through this busy season, but I felt offended and a bit threatened. I forgot what it’s like to have co-workers and have not dealt with the competition that goes on in the workplace and have not been in a ‘survival of the fittest’ mode in a long time. Now, don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I’m not accepting of her, but now she presents another option for my bosses should her work efficiency surpass mine, and being that she’s studying accounting, she may just have more oomph in the way she works because it’s something I assume she feels passionate about. I was finding every reason to point out how illogical her ‘temporary’ contract would be. I was disappointed and stressed. Then I realized my ego is really taking a hit. Why would I be against someone else’s progress? She needs the experience and possibly the job as well. I confided in two people whom their opinions I value. And then I saw this situation through different lens and decided that now, more than ever, I have to focus on those plans I spoke of earlier. Perhaps it is my time to finally move on and allow someone else to grow but not without a strategic plan that will allow me to ascend however this situation may play out.
I’m feeling way better than I was this and last week. I’m feeling optimistic this morning, looking forward to my new chapter. A plethora of developmental changes awaits me yet again!
Ah, self-growth, a never-ending journey.